Reviews

Of Bud Light Platinum: 

 

"Poured into a standard pint glass, color is straw gold, head is 1/2'' thick, but dissipates immediately.

Smell is grainy, bland, corn, ugh.

Taste is all corn and awful grain - i'm going to pour out a portion of it.

Mouthfeel is way over caronated, too crisp and mixed with over sweetened - but not to balance or blend.

Overall, awful beer. "

 

Of Socks: 

 

"Shame on Hanes. When you slide your feet into these socks, you might as well drive your feet into the sand. The material is rough, the elastic is crap and the stitching by the toes will dig into your tender feet. My shop towels are softer than these socks. Shame on you Hanes. I understand saving a buck, but have some class and show some honor. Shame on you."

Of A Pen:

"The accents are copper colored, not rose gold. The pen is twice as heavy as it should be, which means that it will pull down the top of the shirt pocket edge. It is oddly tapered from the cap down. Contrary to another review, G2 gel ink refills do NOT fit this pen; not even close. On the plus side, the taper on the grip is perfect."

 

Of Cooking Twine:

"Not what is pictured. I have been a chef for years now and I know twine. Let me tell you. The one that is in the picture is much larger than what showed up. It's my fault for not knowing the length of the twine real I usually buy but this is also just false advertising. What you get is really small and nowhere near what is pictured. What is pictured showed if ninjas to guess 10 times more twine than what you get."

 

Of A Coffee Grinder:

"Have owned an older and more expensive Cuisinart conical Burr grinder for probably 8 years which was great until it wasn't. Thought I would try a less expensive model but it would not shut off automatically - had to pull the plug. The switch is very flimsy and it was very slow to grind the beans.
Which brings me to the major problem, the NOISE is deafening. Not just the decibels but the pitch. Sounds like a jet airplane taking off. Saw reviews that this was loud but on some youtube videos, it didn't seem to be as screechingly unbearable to the point where I had to block the ears or leave the room when it was grinding beans. See attached screenshot of decibel test.
Because it seemed very slow, maybe the beans were not going through the grinder at the correct rate, which would affect the sound of the motor. Also read many reviews that it breaks after a few months after I decided to return it."

Of A Pocket Dictionary:

"Pathetic. Many words I've looked up are missing entirely! Everyday words such as "cognitive," "vet" (the verb), "excoriate," "cry" (the noun), "sibilant," "egregious" and "sublingual." Simple words that should be in any dictionary.

This dictionary might be OK for a child under the age of 5, to help them learn to use one, or perhaps for someone new the English language, to carry around. Otherwise, it's yet another example of illiteracy becoming the norm in our culture."

Of "The Secret Language of Relationships: Your complete personology guide to any relationship with anyone":

"Don't dismiss this books insight. This book is law and you will find it is almost 100% right. Like a wise old woman this book provides insight into yourself and others."

Of Sugar:

"Tastes like saccharin."

Albums Taken from beside a Garbage Can Tonight

This is not a hobby, but a bountiful harvest.

• Ed Bruce, "One to One"
  
• Fred Gerlach, "Songs My Mother Never Sang"
• Boxcar Willie, "Last Train to Heaven"
  
• George Shearing Quintet, "Shearing in Hi Fi"
• Davina, "Come over to My Place ft. Common" and Ol' Dirty Bastard and La the Darkman, "So Good (so dirty remix)"
• Jadakiss, "Keep Ya Head Up ft. Ann Nesby" and "Cruisin'" ft. Snoop Dogg
• Luis Jimenez Conducting Music of the Bullfights, "Fury of the Brave Bulls"
• "Unforgettable Voices in Unforgettable Performances from the German Operatic Repertoire"
• "The Columbia Album of Irving Berlin"
• Full Circle, "Myth America"
• Patrick O'Hagan, "Dear Little Shamrock"
  
• Becky Hobbs, "All Keyed Up"
  
• Kerry Campbell, "Phoenix Rising"
• "The Artistry of Cesare Valetti"
• Ensemble 13 Baden-Baden, "Waltzes by Strauss"

The three Bill Cosby records were left in the pile.

Things Learned From Geoguessr

THINGS WE LEARNED FROM GEOGUESSR

1. South Africa has a lot of languages
2. Sweden has beautiful structures. Norway has beautiful scenery. Finland is a little redneck.
3. Siberia is the prettiest part of Russia
4. Brazil looks a lot like southeast Asia
5. Argentina is a desolate wasteland
6. All of New Zealond looks like Lord of the Rings
7. We still aren't sure what Romania looks like (but if it looks eastern European but not Russian, it's a fair guess).
8. Australian trees have a lot of trunks
9. If it doesn't tell you you're in Texas, you're probably not in Texas
10. Alaska looks a lot like the rest of the western US
11. Antananarivo, Madagascar is a beautiful city
12. Every single part of France tries really hard to be French
13. But if the stop signs are in French, you're in Quebec
14. Japan loves road mirrors
15. If it's America without enough road signs, it's Canada. (you'll be able to tell if it's Mexico)

Counterfactuals

• How much would you pay to definitively confirm or deny that there is intelligent life elsewhere in the universe?
• If lamps could talk, what do you think they would say to us?
• If 6 actually were afraid of 7, how would this change the foundations of mathematics?
• Would you rather be unable to open doors or unable to close doors for the rest of your life?
• If all tools were sentient cartoon creatures, what profession would be most altered, and how?
• If a cheese grater makes the cheese smaller, would a cheese less make the cheese larger? That's just a dumb joke. 
• If you could fly but could only go three feet into the air and to everyone watching you it would look like you were walking around on the ground flapping your arms crazily, how often would you use this ability?
• If you could live your life backwards, would you?
• Would you pay $1000 and drive 10 hours to a place where it was raining backwards?
• If you had to either: slip the ethnicity of the person you're talking to into every conversation; or, during every conversation, you had to ask them if they wanted to lick your balls; which one would you choose?
• What if, when babies got too large for pacifiers, they were each given a doorknob instead?
• If you had the skill to flip a coin so that it looks extremely random but always ends up on the same side, would you use this power for evil?
• If you could teleport anywhere on Earth but each time had a 1/1000 chance of dying, how many times would you use it?
• How much would you pay to look exactly like William Shakespeare for a day? Would anyone recognize you?
• If you could at any time get a free apple, but you have to first watch somebody vomit in front of you and then disappear having been seen only by you, would you use that ability?
• How much would you pay for the ability to eat metal cans? They would not have any affect on you or your teeth.
• What if all doorknobs were cocks?
• If you could, by concentrating hard, make a person grow a foot-long hair out of the top of their nose over the course of a week, how often would you do this?
• If eating rice had the same effect on you as smoking marijuana, how much rice would you eat?
• If you had a hand coming out of your butt, and it was sentient and got along well with you, would you have it removed?
• If you knew for a fact that you were going to die on your 500th laugh, beginning now, how would that change how you live your life?
• If you had a condition where you would die if you didn't get a friend to be surgically attached to you, do you think you could find one to agree?
• If you could travel backwards in time up to 5 seconds, how would you use this?
• Would you rather have your arms on backwards or your legs on backwards?
• If you had a pet rabbit that was mostly white with a little black stripe and fluffy as the softest of cottons, what would you name it?
•  Would you rather have 20,000 fifty dollar bills or 200,000,000 pennies surrounding you right now?
• What would be the most difficult change you would have to make to your life if it became a reality show for children?
• If you had to legally change your name to a random word from the dictionary, but you got to choose what page it was from, what page would you choose?
• If every time you looked someone in the eye, they turned to stone, what brand of sunglasses would you wear?
• If you could have knives for hands or hands for knives, which would you prefer? (obviously the second)
• Would you rather do your shit or waste more time?